Failure Proof

I still believe that my meeting with her was divine.

We met under odd circumstances, talked very personal topics almost immediately, I was drawn to ask her questions that directed towards her troubles and she says she somehow trusted me to tell it to me even though its a secret all these years. I never really told her this but I felt God prodding me towards counseling her and after almost 3 years, I can see the fruits of His mercy and grace in her and her family today.

Yet I am troubled. Early on as we were exploring starting a relationship, she said she prayed to God for someone she could trust to be with her and said that I was God’s answer to her prayer. Among other considerations, this was a significant reason we got together. But as things came to a close these last few months, I feel betrayed. Not by God, but by her and her actions immediately after. (But thats for another day.)

But then doubt comes and I have to wonder, where is God’s hand in all this?

I never had really high expectations or strict standards for a GF. As long as shes female, looks good (Hot, Cute, Pretty or Beautiful, minimum one) and loves God (preferably more than I do), shes “in the list” as I always say to friends. Any thing else like wealth, being a gamer, cooks well, have cool parents and other such nice ‘traits’ are bonuses. Not necessary but not unimportant, ya know?

So where did I go wrong? Where did we go wrong? How did things come crashing down as fast as we got togather? I have been pondering this question for some time and slowly God has been ministering to me mostly via songs. I was listening to some Hillsongs in my car via my fm modulator and recently swapped some random albums in. They were from the years 2005-2000 and sings about many songs I worshiped and jumped to when I was maturing as a Christian and finding myself. It talks about how Jesus is the Lover of my Soul, reminds me of the Whys of what I do, bring me back in awe of All that He is, cloaks me in His Majesty again. Makes me remember jumping to One Way, Tell the world and shouting his praises in various concerts and conferences till I’m soaked through in sweat. Usually in a newly bought T-Shirt!

God was reminding me of what it was to be all gung-ho for him again. How it was in the old days when my life was only God and Games. Before all the complications of life, God stands out and says “don’t forget”.

One of the song I’ve been listening to these last few days is Jesus’ Blood from Hillsong  United. Simple lyrics and only 5 words make up most of the 2 and a half minute song.

Jesus blood never fails me,
Jesus blood never fails me,
Jesus blood never fails me,
Jesus blood, Jesus blood.
Sing Your songs of freedom,
Praise the God of heaven,
Love that never fails me,
Jesus blood, Jesus blood.

Yea, God doesn’t fail us. Behind me some feet away, I see my footsteps and my ex girl’s footprints dancing together in the sand. It seems to start from soooo long ago and as it nears me it starts to turn into harsh streaks as struggle and untangled out of each other’s life. Already my prints leading towards where I am are heavy with weight and loneliness, but I know better. I know my God is always there. He never fails me. He won’t stop being at my side. His blood never fails me.

Salvation Is Here in my heart cos Hes alive and he lives in me.

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cause You are alive and You live in me

But man, is it quite in my house. Parents away visiting a seminary in USA for 2 months, Sister is married in Aussie, Best friend went to Singapore to work… its dead quiet in the house. :S

*goes to play Alan Wake*

Getting to the center of it.

Wow, its been 4 years. I suddenly thought of this blog again after so many years due to a recent happening in my life that caused me to review a lot of things.

In GG&G, I’ve never wrote about the last G, Girls. Interestingly, it is the reason I decided to come back to writing blog posts into cyberspace.

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My sister once said that when you really get down to discussing stuff with someone you are serious with, you learn to “compromise the things you thought you would never compromise”. In a way after breaking up with this wonderful girl a few weeks back, I do think back and regret compromising on some things I shouldn’t have, and not compromising on somethings I should have. But I’ll skip about me and her for now and get to the point of the blog post.

I was surfing facebook and google some time back, about 3 weeks after my breakup and I came across this:

Original Image

And I smiled, thinking of a few friends I could show this to.You know, those people who spend ALL their time with their Significant Other? Well I wasn’t like that as both me and my girl knew each other friends quite well, we hanged out with groups of friends and stuff.

Anyway, that sunday, worshiping in church, the worship leader sang a song I heard once before, called “Jesus Be The Centre”

Singing that song convicted me for some reason. I searched my heart and the above image came to mind. Now for all the distractions in life, I’ve never had the problem of putting God second. Not for gaming, food, friends, work, studies or any such things, but I realized spending time with my girl has reduced the time I spent with God. I still did my ministries and stuff, but I guess I elevated her to about as high as God in terms of time spent be it with her or thinking of her(etc etc, you know what I mean).

Its amazing, something that blessed you so much can even compete with God without you knowing. I always was sure of God’s place, but when I look back at the last few years… I never realized that I placed Him further away than I should have. Again I smiled, thinking that image was really actually for me from God. Man, I felt like I just got conned or something by Him. 😀

So Jesus be the center of my Life. Yea, thats my theme for this year. Gonna spend time back with God, listen more to his music, read his Word and just get back to His love while getting over her’s. Great girl, tell ya more about her later!

God, Games and Girls

When people ask me, what is my life philosophy, what are the most important things in life and so on, I answer:

“God, Games and Girls. In that order.”

This three G’s came about after learning about the Three C’s(Christianity, Commerce and Civilization) in a history class.
After a while, my brain somehow spit it out, and wallah!

Food is also a major theme in my life, and I gleefully admit that I have successfully increased eating habits upon my own church cell in the time that I have been with them. As much as I wanted to write God, Games, Girls and Food, it somehow lacked the oomph of GGG, so yea. Pity.

Anyway, this blog is mostly a mix of thoughts and things I come across, and wish to share. Just as Salvation is a Treasure that can be given freely without loss, so is the things I wish to type out. They probably will range from Games, Technology, Electronics to God, Christianity, WorldIsEndingOMG. Girls as a topic is something I will touch less on, as this blog was purposely made as an anonymous blog, not attached to my own life, nor my online presence. No, googling my username doesn’t give any hits but my older blog. And no, there’s nothing on it that isn’t here already.

For the Spiritually minded, the level of theology you will see here will not blow your head off, pray you will bear with my less than stellar understanding of God. Help helps btw.
For the Gamers, I won’t stuff God down your throat, Lord knows, the world is full of people who, with good-intentions, over do the “BeChristianOrBurnInHell… NOW!” thing. Hope you get some insights.
For the Girls, I’m currently single. Nuff Said.